… the time has come, as Valve has just released Volume I of Portal 2’s official soundtrack, featuring plenty of songs from the game, as well as some songs that never actually appeared in there, but that sound so amazing it’s hard to imagine why.
With Aperture-brand turrets, boots, bots and panels flooding the applied science aisle of your local department store, you could forgive the up-and-coming test lab for taking a breather. Judging from their latest press release, though, their laurels remain untouched by backsides. Bolstered by recent breakthroughs in the field of jazz smoothing, Aperture announced today the first of three downloadable aural stimulus packages.
Whether you’re a mega-science corporation with decades of test experience, or a young start-up liberating your first test subject from non-testing with a chloroform-soaked rag, Aperture guarantees results. Wake up your test subject, open the chamber door, and press play–let Aperture’s patent-pending rhythmic compliance enhancers do the rest.
This is written so well, I refuse to believe any mortal wrote it. Clearly, someone at Valve is using arcane magic to enslave dead writer ghosts. The page for Volume I can be found here. It is being distributed as a 156MB zip file, containing an enormous 22 songs. And that’s just Volume I. We’ll have a rock opera – well, more like an “electro-industrial opera” on our hands by the time Volume III is released. There’s also 6 ringtones, just in case you want to interrupt important business meetings with disjointed electronica. But, don’t worry, your boss shouldn’t fire you – surely he can appreciate good music. His kids have probably been killing him with all of the Justin Bieber they’ve been demanding to listen to in the family minivan.
In any case, be sure to download the soundtrack. And play it. Preferably while playing… Portal 2, for example.