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Team Fortress 2: The Second Halloween Update, And Other Tiny Things I Simply Had To Write About

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I took a break from sleeping and playing Red Faction (communist undertones for the win, baby) to write this.

It was that funky “5-minute sleep every something something so you sleep better” sleep too.

Now my sleep schedule is messed up.

Team Fortress 2: The Second Halloween Update, And Other Tiny Things I Simply Had To Write About

First up today, Valve and Kritzkast are teaming up for a good cause, or a not so good cause: the “Meet the Demoman – Uncensored” contest.

Remember how the Demoman is censored in the middle of “Meet the Demoman”?

This contest has you recording yourself while spouting profanities to fill in those gaps.

There will be 3 winners: “funniest clean entry”, “funniest not so clean” entry and “most accurate to the original”.

Kritzkast will judge the entries based on how funny they are, while Valve will judge them based on how close they stick to the script and the actual video.

The 3 winners will be dubbed into the video by an actual Scotsman.

What do you stand to gain?

3 demo hats, a bunch of TF2 Valve Store swag, some highly-coveted TF2 Trading Cards, and a poster signed by the whole Valve TF2 team.

No, we’re not gonna type it “VALVe” just so we feel special.

You can send your submissions to [email protected]. The contest lasts until the 7th of November, so get going!

In addition, Valve has now added PLUSH STICKIES to the Valve Store! Dawww, they’re so cute! Back when I first started playing TF2, I couldn’t stop hugging them! I also couldn’t stop myself from exploding constantly. Thankfully, this “random explosions that are completely unrelated to those cute little stickies” plague was cured for me by a witch doctor, who, I might add, has nothing to do with the Witch or the Medic.

There’s also some other stuff on competitive play, which I could not comprehend and thus, cannot reproduce in text.

But there’s something else…. isn’t there?


Eep. Oh, what a shame. News writers are immune to your vampires and random skeletons and other scares. Pinky and I are disappointed, Valve.

Alright, so, this update contains the two Art Pass winners’ maps, with their own names now: 3Dnj’s Mountain Lab and YM’s Mann Manor.

And yes, the second annual Halloween Update.

Valve answers some questions for you scared readers:

Will there be ghosts? Quite possibly. Will there be exploding pumpkins? You never know. Will you wet your pants in terror? If you’re anything like us, emphatically yes.

Before we jump into the massive number of… things that this update contains, let’s talk about some of the other stuff that will be added in this update.

Gift wrapping! Yes, you can now help out those little guys who are trick or treating. Wrap up one of the spare items you have and give em something!

While this is a great addition, especially for your friends, indubitably, this will be spammed around servers. I can see it now: “PLZ GIVE ME GIFT I PROMISE TO GIVE BACK L8R”.

A few new Halloween themed hats have been added to the Mann Co Store as well.

Also added to the store: new community items themed for Halloween and a few scary hats of our own dark design. Some of these new holiday items are only available to purchase during the holiday, but will remain wearable all year round, so grab ’em while they’re grabbable.

Note how Valve does not say if you can get these outside of the Store or not. Great.

Buuut… let’s get to the update itself!

New for the update is “Mann Manor”, which is packed full of spooky surprises, including the “Haunted Halloween Gift”, a gift box which spawns randomly on the map, and Team Fortress 2’s first NPC and boss monster, the Horseless Headless Horsemann, which is Silas Mann, except he’s now dead and has no head and has no horse.

We’ve also got some new achievements, although last year’s Halloween achievements have been unlocked… which means everyone and their dog can now get them. Damn it.

These new achievements include “Sleepy Holl0WND”, which rewards you for slaying the Horseless Headless Horsemann, “Masked Mann”, which rewards you for collecting the Haunted Halloween Gift, “Gored!”, which rewards you for obtaining the Horsele- Goddamn it, I am tired of typing his name. Let’s just call him Big Undead Man.

Uh-oh, one of the inspectors sent here to see how we’re doing (one of you ratted us out, didn’t you?! grrr) just passed by. Screw it, I’ll just type his full name.

“Gored!”, which rewards you for obtaining the Horseless Headless Horsemann’s “Haunted Metal”, which appears to be his giant axe.

And, last, but not least: “Sackston Hale”, which rewards you for crafting the Saxton Hale Mask, which for now, looks like another paper bag.

We cannot wait to play this! Sounds like a shipload of fun. I said shipload, so everyone who remembers the Alien Swarm Trailer can feel good about themselves, and so the inspectors won’t crucify me for using bad words and stuff.


  1. Scream Fortress looks awesome!

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