Mother of god. Oh – be sure to watch Meet the Pyro before you read this.
Following the release of Meet the Pyro, new word on the Pyromania Update was oddly absent from the TF2 blog. Well, the wait has ended, as Valve have released the Pyromania Update for all TF2 players everywhere! Yes, it’s live right now, and you should be receiving an automatic 400MB TF2 update any second now!
Here’s the Pyromania’s full changelog, featuring all the details on what’s new, what’s gone, and what’s… in between, I guess. Do read it, please, as there are many miscellaneous balancing and game changes in there that we don’t have the time to run through here. Also keep an eye on the Official TF2 Wiki, as they’ll probably have more specific details on everything in just a bit.
Valve have also revealed Day 3 of the Pyromania Update, featuring… Pyroland. Yaaaaaay.
Let’s run through Day 3 real quick while your TF2 downloads and installs the update.
Pyroland introduces us to the Pyroland items – a collection of items that, when any of them are worn or equipped, will allow you to see in Pyrovision – yes, you will be able to see life as the Pyro does.
Pyrovision only works on Valve-made maps, but on these maps: all textures are replaced; sillygibs are enabled; birthday health and ammo packs are enabled; blood is replaced with confetti and balloons; all voices gain a higher pitch; and all characters laugh, instead of screaming out in pain.
And all of these Pyroland items, can only be seen by other players (with the exception of the Pyrovision Goggles, which can be seen by all under any circumstances)… unless they too have Pyrovision, by wearing/equipping a Pyroland item.
First, are the Pyrovision Goggles. Starting from the release of the Pyromania update to next Thurdsay, on the 5th of July, everybody who logs in to TF2 will receive a free Vintage set of Pyrovision Goggles. And “from now on“, you’ll be able to get a non-vintage pair of Goggles simply by dominating someone who’s wearing them. No idea if people who already own Vintage Goggles will be able to get non-vintage ones as well, but I can onlyassume so.
Then there’s the Rainblower, a lovely new flamethrower for the Pyro. It comes with a custom taunt, but no new item stats are mentioned. Same for the Lollichop, a new melee weapon for the Pyro, which also comes with a custom taunt. Again, no new statistics or attributes are mentioned for it.
And we’ve also got two new Miscellaneous items for the Pyro: the Burning Bongos, which replace his napalm grenades; and the Infernal Orchestra, some sort of disturbing xylophone-trumpet hybrid, which replaces his gas tank, and presumably works a bit like the Boston Boom-Bringer.
At the bottom of the page, there’s also something about the Baloonicorn, the “Municipal Ombudsman” of Pyroland, whose wife is cheating on him with “Gary Brotton, the inflatable Sewer Superintendent”. I have no idea what this means, or what it is, but Valve is selling an actual Ballonicorn in the Valve Store, and that seems to include some sort of TF2 promo item code.
Apart from that, there doesn’t seem to be anything else. The blog post we linked to above, heralding the release of the Pyromania update, pretty explicitly indicates that more is in store for Team Fortress 2:
oh, hey, also: just because this is the last meet the movie, don’t think it’s the last update you’ll see from us. we have big plans for the future of tf, so stay tuned [exclamation mark]
I’m betting that later this year, we’ll find out exactly why the Administrator was putting together all that raw Australium. Hopefully it involves us getting to play the long-teased Mann vs Machine game mode!
Well, what are you waiting for? Get playing some TF2!