There’s been some weird stuff going on in and around TF2 as of late, and after some rumors in the past months that there would be a major update, the Uber Update has finally been unveiled to the public.
First off, you’ll notice the brand new TF2 site design. Looking a lot better than the original, and sporting some fancy new elements and links, although the most important additions are the new Movies, Comics, History and Artwork pages. There’s also new pages for each of the class members.
Welcome to Day One of the Über Update–the biggest, most ambitious update in the history of Team Fortress 2.
That’s certainly a big promise. Dare I say: the biggest, most ambitious promise in the history of Team Fortress 2! Ohohoho!
We’ve got a lot to announce as we get closer to the update’s release this Thursday, June 23rd. We’ve been holding one of the surprises pretty close to the vest for months now. We don’t want to ruin it, but we’ll give you four clues to get you guessing:
1.) It IS a “Meet the” short.
2.) It involves ONE of the two remaining classes.
3.) It’s NOT the Pyro.
4.) It’s the MEDIC.
Goddamn it! What could they possibly mean?!
Let the speculation begin! While you’re puzzling that out, why not click over to the first of our class pack announcements: Mobster Monday. To make sure everything was as accurate as possible, we went deep undercover at the most Italian place we could find, The Olive Garden. We asked the Mafia about a million questions, none of which they understood, because our mouths were full of all the free breadsticks the Mafia gives you when you visit them (they’re not such bad guys).
I’m not buying this excuse. I think Valve went to the Mafia for entirely different reasons – research for… Episode Three! Hey, don’t give me that look. I thought about it for hours on end and eventually it came down to either Ricochet 2 or L4D3. Then I remembered I’m actually sane and I reached the most reasonable and logical conclusion possible: the Mafia will be in Episode Three. Unless Valve will actually be doing… L4D2: Episode One and… Ricochet: Resurrection. Both of them! Hey, you heard it here first, folks.
Wait – free breadsticks?
All that hanging out with mob guys must have rubbed off on us, because we’ve decided to celebrate the Über Update by giving you an offer you can’t (or at least shouldn’t) refuse–an unprecedented WEEK-LONG FREE WEEKEND of Team Fortress 2, starting right now!
Week-long… weekend? Oh, if only they had those. Well, they have those, but only in Team Fortress 2, because unlike modern civilization, Valve actually appreciates… fun.
Last but not least, today’s the day we reveal our all-new website. Want a link to it? Too bad–you’re already there!
No, actually they’re here, you see.
Moving on, let’s look at the update itself. Day 1 features “Mobster Monday”. There’s two new item sets – the Heavy’s “Black Market Business”, which includes the new Tomislav minigun, the new ”Family Business” shotgun, and the new “Eviction Notice” spiked brass knuckles, for use in the Heavy’s melee slot; and the Spy’s “The Man of Honor”, which includes the new Enforcer revolver, and the new “Big Earner” knife. There’s also the new “Made Man” flower, for use in the Miscellaneous item slot, although it doesn’t seem as if the Made Man will contribute to the item set bonus. Speaking of item set bonuses, we have no idea what they are, or even if they’ll be present.
And there’s also the brand new, long-awaited Barnblitz Payload map. That’s all for “Mobster Monday”, but this is only Day 1 of the Uber Update. We can’t wait to see what else Valve has up their sleeve.