To celebrate the impending release of the long-awaited Meet the Pyro, coming this Wednesday on the 27th of June, Valve is releasing a massive new TF2 update known as the Pyromania Update. Check out the blog post for bizarre details on how the update was named.
This is Pyromania’s main webpage, including a handy little timer indicating the exact time left until the update’s release. The timer is counting down until precisely 7PM GMT, on the 27th of June. Until then, it’s safe to assume TF2 will receive no new game updates.
At the bottom of the Pyromania page, you will find a banana peel that will lead you to a secret webpage: The Poopy Joe Files. This page features transcripts from the U.S. Senate hearings of Mann Co’s Saxton Hale, and TF Industries’ Administrator. The two-page transcript of Saxton Hale’s hearing had previously been revealed during last week’s mystery event.
The Administrator’s hearing, however, was not, and it includes some very intriguing stuff that was suspiciously redacted by the Senate, concerning her reasons for stockpiling Australium. According to the Administrator’s hearing both the BLU and RED teams will be teaming up together, to… do something, that apparently might save the world at large. I honestly don’t know, but it sounds incredibly interesting – maybe it’s Mann vs Machine. Hopefully Valve tells us more concerning this in the days to come.
In any case, Day 1 of Pyromania brings us a new Capture the Flag gamemode, and a new map for this gamemode: Doomsday. Here it is:
In Doomsday (which sounds suspiciously like Mooncheese, except less awesome), both the RED and BLU teams attempt to transport a suitcase nuke full of recalled Australium to American monkeynaut Poopy Joe’s rocket. Only one team can carry the suitcase, and Poopy Joe with it, to the stars. It sounds epic, sure – but guess what? It also has 11 achievements for you to collect! Now, it’s epic.
Doomsday itself looks… okay, I suppose, but the problem is that, apart from the medium-sized rocket at the end of the map, there is nothing that makes this level stand out from the rest of TF2’s map styles. There’s no space-age or high-tech architectural or even stylistic designs – it’s just the default wood, corrugated steel, and sand that we’ve seen in just about every single Team Fortress 2 level ever released. The rocket itself is unimpressive, and doesn’t strike me as the kind of facility that would be responsible for launching America’s first monkeynaut into space, for a stand-off with Soviet monkeynaut Vladimir Bananas.
In any case, I can only assume it plays better than it looks. I’m glad it’s not another Payload thing (this is definitely single-flag, no-base Capture the Flag – ignore the lone rail line, and note the achievements that prominently feature the Scout carrying an Australium nuke), and it definitely sounds as if it’ll make for some action-packed, high-intensity combat. I’m sure it’ll be something fresh that’ll play quite differently from the other TF2 game modes. Looking forward to it!
But remember – this is just Day 1 of Pyromania. We’ve got 2 days to go, and each day will bring us a new content reveal. Expect to see the amazing new “Mann vs Machine” game mode revealed on the very last day! Apart from all the ill-fitting retcons and plotholes, this might just turn out to be TF2’s greatest content update of all time.