Blog post time!
Ahhhhhh, the desert. Sandy, camel-filled seductress. What secrets does she clutch to her fig-stuffed, wind-swept bosoms?
Lots. Don’t believe us? The Sphinx. Bam. That’s just one secret, too. We’ve got so many we just threw that one away and we don’t even miss it.
Oh, nice try, Valve! I saw right through your thinly-veiled… veil! The Sphinx is more than some joke secret – it’s actually home to your secret development studio – Valve Cairo! Hidden deep underneath the Giza Necropolis lies the studio responsible with the creation of Episode Three. Nice job hiding it in plain sight, so to speak, but our powers of deduction come out on top yet again. You heard it here first, folks.
It’s probably clear to you by now that we’ve been doing quite a bit of research about the desert. And why?
Episode Three research?
We’re going to write a book about the desert. The great American desert book. We honestly can’t believe nobody’s thought of this before. We are going to be billionaires.
Anyway, since you’re probably already camped out at a bookstore waiting for our desert book to come out, why not take over one of the computers at the information kiosk and enjoy TimbukTuesday?
Yeah, let’s do that. New on Timbuk Tuesday, which is Day 2 of the yet-unreleased Uber Update, are three class sets: the Sniper’s “Lawrence of Arabia” set, featuring the new “Bazaar Bargain” sniper rifle, and the new… hold on… “Shahanshah” scimitar, for use in the melee weapon slot.
There’s also the new “One Thousand and One Demoknights” set, for the Demoman – or should I say, Demoknight. We’ve got the “Persian Persuader” sword, for use in the melee slot, the “Splendid Screen” shield, for use in the secondary weapon slot, and “Ali Baba’s Wee Booties” boots, for use in the primary weapon slot. Yes, that means Demoknights who choose to use these boots (which are, of course, very effective for a Demoknight) will have no projectile weapons, and no, there are no new projectile weapons in this set. The Demoknight has at last been born unto this world as the legendary 10th class.
And there’s also a secret third set in Day 2! The Scout’s “The #1 Fan” set gives him three new weapons – the “The Soda Popper” shotgun, which gives the Scout a new “Hype” meter that charges up as he runs about, allowing him to deal mini-crits for a short while once it’s full. There’s also a new pistol, “The Winger”, and last, but not least, we have “The Atomizer”, a bat that gives the Scout a triple jump.
That’s all for Day 2, but stay tuned, as Day 3 should be revealed very soon.